Being Chosen

David has dreamed about planting a church.  Not that he is unhappy with where he is now, he just has a strong desire to plant a church someday.  He's been thinking about it for over nine years.

I have not dreamed about planting a church.  I think that it is scary.  It's unpredictable.  It's hard work.  It's lonely.  While I have listened to my husband's heart, I have always been guarded about our conversations.  It was hard for me to really dream with him because I just wasn't there.

The day after my emotional breakdown (Sharing My Heart) David and I were sitting on the couch, enjoying a quiet moment after the kids were in bed.  He said he had something important to tell me.  

In the midst of all of my emotional neediness, David was hit with the realization that I was not made to be a church planting wife.  At first he felt some frustration but then God did something amazing.  David started thinking about my heart.  The more he thought about it, the more he realized that if he never planted a church it wouldn't be the end of the world, but if planting a church would cost me too much and ultimately us too much, that would be a great loss.  

He told me that he was willingly giving up his dream of planting a church.  Not begrudgingly, not out of frustration, but willingly.  He was even feeling excited about what this meant for our future here.

I was shocked to say the least, that's nine years of dreaming being set aside.  I wrestled some with feeling guilty for not having the same dream and being the reason that his dream was being set aside.

David then told me that he wanted to choose me over planting a church.  Not that he should choose me over planting a church, but he wanted to choose me.

I can't even begin to tell you what this meant to me.  I was overwhelmed by how loved I felt.

What might have happened if I had been able to rid myself of my "neediness" the other day?  Would David have had the revelation that he wanted to fight for me over fighting with me to plant a church?  Probably not.  God's timing is good.  Who would have thought that out of those feelings of loneliness I would end up feeling more loved than I have at maybe any other point in my life. 

Time to stop looking at rental properties and buy a house in this community that we are going to really call home!